The Best Advice Anyone Ever Gave Me

I walked into the room not knowing what to expect and I definitely wasn’t expecting to hear the best advice anyone ever gave me.  My insurance company had randomly assigned a psychologist on the sole basis of her being an in-network provider. I had only been to therapy a handful of times before this and it wasn’t very productive.  Desperate times called for drastic measures, so I decided to give therapy another try because my family desperately needed help.

Little did I know that within minutes, I would be receiving the best advice anyone ever gave me.

When My Stress Level Was At Its Peak

Something happened to my healthy beautiful baby boy when he was about 18 months old.  He lost speech and eye contact. He also became very irritable, impulsive, and aggressive.  The aggressive spells were scary.  It seemed impossible to believe that a little boy could try to strangle his mother or chase her around the house with a butcher knife, but this was now part of my everyday reality.  To make the situation even less bearable, he didn’t sleep for more than a few hours at a time which meant we were waking up 3-4 times a night. I was exhausted, defeated, exasperated, broken-hearted, and scarred.

The Best Advice Anyone Ever Gave Me

I liked the psychologist at first glance. She was kind, confident, empathetic, a good listener, and spoke intelligently. I noticed tears dropping from her eyes a few times as I told her my story, so I knew she understood the severity of my situation and had empathy for it.

Mid-session, she leaned in and asked what I was doing to take care of myself. I looked at her with disbelief. Did I really make my husband take off work to watch my son and drive 45 minutes to talk to her about this? I needed help with my son’s behavior, not myself.

To this day I am incredibly thankful that I was too exhausted to get up and walk out of the room.

She must have noticed the way I was looking at her or saw the tears gushing from my eyes. She quickly said, “Please just listen to this example.  If you were on a plane and the oxygen masks came down, you would need to put yours on first.  Otherwise, you might pass out or not be strong enough to help your children. You need to take good care of your mind, body, and soul so you can pass it on to them.  Your children need you at your best. ”

“When the well is dry, we know the worth of the water.”   – Benjamin Franklin

And When I Finally Took The Advice

It took me years to take the wise therapist’s advice and by the time I did, I couldn’t remember her name.  If I could, I would have written her a thank you note filled with gratitude and respect for the best advice anyone has ever given me. Her words not only changed my life but more importantly to me, changed my children’s lives.

Taking time for self-care made me a happier Mom overall and I became more able to give my children quality, positive time and energy and most importantly my best self.  I quickly noticed my son’s behavior got better too! I know my kids noticed a difference in me and hope I am teaching them by example to take great care of themselves when they are parents.  After all, we all want our children to be happy and take great care of themselves, don’t we?

I hope and pray that my circumstances were more severe than yours are or ever will be.  Either way, the message is the same.   There is nothing selfish about self-care.  As a matter of fact, it’s one of the best gifts you can give your family.

I hope you do something amazingly restorative for yourself today!

Cheers!

Tanya

 

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5 Ways To Find Time For Self-Care

I am very excited to introduce Weight Loss Confessions guest blogger Becca Rich today and her amazing article, 5 Ways to Find Time for Self-Care.  Self-care is a topic near and dear to my heart because incorporating self-care into my life was absolutely life-changing for me.  I shared my self-care story in The Best Advice Anyone Ever Gave Me – (spoiler alert) :). And I hope you find ways to incorporate self-care into your life and enjoy all its amazing benefits.

 

You’re a mom who’s hustling your butt off all day at work so you can spend time with your family. But the hustle doesn’t seem to end. You spend nights and weekends doing the same thing, hustling to get things done around the house. There’s a desperate need for more dog food, you’re on a deadline for a project, and then the school calls, saying your kiddo is sick and needs to be picked up. Trying to juggle it all isn’t easy. I see you.

Does the rest of your day slip away because of all this stuff? Most often, yes. But you don’t have to let it.

Managing your time and energy better is your solution. It was the solution I needed when I had to go to the hospital from being so sick. Now I feel in charge of my day no matter what happens. And you can too with these 5 ways to find time for self-care when you’re really busy.

What is self-care?

First off, I think it’s really important to discuss what self-care is and isn’t, and why it’s a new trend.

Self-care is anything that helps, heals, or maintains your mental, emotional, and physical
health. This could look like common tasks such as going to the gym, trying to start a meditation habit, or taking a long bubble bath. This could also look like some uncommonly talked about things, such as deep cleaning your house, planning your week ahead, or seeing your therapist.

But self-care is not just one task or skill that works for everyone across the board. You cannot copy the habits of people around you without knowing the purpose or what you want to get out of doing it (unfortunately!)

It’s a mindset or state of being that is completely unique to you and your life. And because your body is so deeply connected to your mind, figuring out what works for you on an individual level can feel daunting. This post will also help you shift your mindset around self-care and find what truly works for you.

So, why is self-care a trend that is taking off now?

We used to be taught (and some still are) to put ourselves last on our to-do lists. As a society, we are recovering from this. We are becoming more aware of our needs and openly talking about them. (Which is so amazing and beautiful!) People are realizing they need to refuel themselves and feel their best so they can treat people better, be a better parent or partner, eat healthier, etc. And once you start the cycle, you continue to do more of the things that make you feel good, when you feel good. The hard part is starting the cycle and staying in it.

Here are the 5 ways to find time for self-care when you’re really busy:

Shift your mindset around self-care.

*You have to make it a non-negotiable. It doesn’t matter how busy or tired you
are, you absolutely need to do something for yourself every day.

*But the good news is that it doesn’t have to take a lot of time, energy, or effort. It
could just be taking a big deep breath. It could be reading this article. It could be
going to bed without your phone. Self-care is anything that helps, heals, or
maintains your mental, emotional, and physical health, there is no limit on what it
looks like or needs to be.

*How do you know if something helps, heals, or maintains your mental, emotional,
and physical health? You ask yourself, “Will this help future me?” This small
question has helped me create a self-care habit that keeps me at my best and far
far away from burnout. It helps you take back control of your actions and life and
have more self-compassion for yourself.

Now maybe you’re asking, how do you know if it will help future you? You need to know where you want to go (aka goal setting).

*My favorite quote is by Yogi Berra. He says, “If you don’t know where you are
going, you’ll end up someplace else.” If you don’t know who you want to be or
what you want to do as a result of finding time for self-care, then you’ll never do it.

*You need to have or create a vision for you and your life that is deeply
meaningful and emotionally connecting. What do you want your life, health,
relationships, career to look like? Connect with your vision daily and don’t
underestimate the power of vision!

*If you have a goal to lose weight for example – you need to make it emotionally
connecting and fun. Instead of “I want to lose 10 lbs” you could say “I want to
lose 10 lbs so I can run around with my son in the backyard.”

*Also, when you’re a mom, entrepreneur, or friend (all of us fit in at least one
category) it is necessary and very helpful to demonstrate the importance of taking
care of yourself to set an example. This could be your long-term vision.

*Because you know what your long-term vision is, saying no to the things that
don’t support it will become easier and easier.

*Creating a solid foundation in terms of mindset is important but life still can get in the way. One of the biggest stressors in people’s lives comes from being overwhelmed by the million things they need to get done. When you don’t feel in control over your to-do list, you start to feel hopeless. So how do we solve this?
The good news is the antidote for overwhelm is to check-in and do something for yourself.
However, on a more tangible level…

Schedule time for self-care every single week.

For the next 90 days (3 months) pick 1-3 things you want or need to accomplish to get closer to your vision.

Before each week, figure out what you need to make a non-negotiable and hold your self to it.

I have created a PDF you can download that will help you plan your most
productive week in 10 minutes or less. This weekly planner will help you
get everything you need to do done and find time for self-care when you’re
really busy (this freebie can be found here)

When delays or distractions happen (because they will) you will need a backup plan. And when you’re tight on time, extremely exhausted, and stressed out you will need a backup plan.

*In these situations, you are way more likely to put yourself on the bottom of the
to-do list again. If you continue to do this, you will most likely get burned out.

*A backup plan is one super small and easy thing you can do that doesn’t take
much time or cost much (if any) money. Using what you know now about
self-care, what can you (and will you actually) do for yourself when you’re
stressed and exhausted? How will you remember your back up plan?

Learning how to recognize and celebrate every single SMALL imperfect action you take. Just by doing this, that’s self-care.

In the comments, tell us what you resonated within this post. Also, share what your backup plan is? What will you do when you’re stressed out and exhausted?

Becca Rich is a Holistic Time Management Coach. She works with hard-working and
passionate entrepreneurs who want to take back control of their day and get more work done in less time, so they can grow their business with the life balance they’re longing for. You can find her at beccarichwellness.com or on Instagram @beccarichwellness
Website: https://www.beccarichwellness.com/

What Does Self-Care Have To Do With Weight Loss?

 

Shortly after I finished writing, ‘The Best Advice Anyone Ever Gave Me’, I reached out to a few friends and asked them to tell me about what self-care means to them.  The answers were surprising and insightful.  I’m sure you will enjoy reading them.

Self- Care Advice from “The Wise One”

One of my friends of whom I’ve nicknamed, “the wise one”, shared her story.   She grew up in a house with six kids and it was normal for her to see her Mom tired and desperately in need of self-care. So, she set the expectation with her Husband before they married and outlined how important self-care was to her. Once they had their Daughter, she explained to her that her play dates were equally as important as Momma’s girl’s night outs and date nights.  My friend believes her daughter now understands what commitment to self-care looks like.   And knows that, as her daughter grows, she too will put her best foot forward for her own self-care.

Let Go of the Self-Care Guilt

Another friend responded by saying that she stopped feeling guilty for making time to work out. She allows herself one hour a day for exercise. She is much happier, and her kids know it.  It is important to her to model to her children that taking care of herself allows her to take better care of her family.

Self-Care as A Morning Ritual

A third friend reported that she tries to do three things for herself every morning when she wakes up.  She enjoys meditation, stretching, reading something inspirational, praying, practicing yoga or visualizing positive things.  She has about fifteen different self-care things to pull from.

“Rest and self-care are so important.  When you take time to replenish your spirit, it allows you to serve others from the overflow.  You cannot serve from an empty vessel”-  Eleanor Brown

My Self- Care Habits and Possible Addiction

As for myself, I can say without a doubt that self-care has not only changed my life, but it has given me a “happy life”.  My little guy was almost six when I finally decided to do something for me and made the announcement, “I’ve decided to take a class”.  My family’s facial reactions were priceless.  I’m sure they were thinking something like, “we don’t do very well when you are in the bathroom, much less leave the house for 3-4 hours”.  I quickly realized that taking the class brought me joy and rejuvenated me.  It was amazing to watch how much happier my children and husband were as a result.  My Son’s (who has been affected by Autism) behavior even improved as well!

This might be a great time for a quick confession. Today I am addicted to self-care. I exercise, read, meditate, practice yoga, take classes, schedule a weekly date night, take girls’ trips, play Bunco, go to movies with my friends, get pedicures, and bask in infrared saunas. It might be sinful, but I’m pleased to say that I’m one very happy Momma!

Can Self-Care Help You Lose Weight?

The internet is full of articles about self-care and how it promotes a healthy weight. There are several theories as to why.  Could it be because it makes you more productive, happier, less stressed, less anxious, and brings comfort? I know I have shed a few pounds since I’ve been practicing self-care.  I love the article 10 Ways to Practice Self Care for Weight Loss because it has some great ideas.  I found this quote I love:

“Instead of indulging in comfort food, indulge in comfort meditation, comfort journaling, comfort walking, comfort talking, comfort manicures, comfort reading, comfort yoga, comfort hugging.” – Karen Salmansohn

Self-Care is Very Popular New Year’s Resolution

According to Self Magazine, more than half of the population of Millennial women made self-care their New Year’s Resolution for 2018!  Even though we are already months into the new year and 2018 has come and gone, it is never too late for a resolution.

What’s your self-care resolution?

This photo popped up as a Facebook memory from a few years ago today! This date night with my husband, Tony, was one of my first planned self-care activities.

I hope you enjoy some amazing self-care today!

Cheers!

Tanya